a minute in the head

Can you? No. Will you? No. Who does the? Me and no. Ring! I need. Pause. Definitely not this week. How about what I need! Ring. How's it going beautiful? Ewe. Barf. Say whatever it takes to get off the line. Ring ring ring where the hell did everyone go that ding-a-ling is driving me mad. Please hold. All lies. Management lies. Wait, lies are for the thinking, the thoughtful, these are not lies. Confusion. Age? Stupidity? Hell yes. What now? Hold on - one, two, three, four, five...eight hundred dollars. Ok, that's right. Bye for now. Huh? Count much? I know you're old but you counted it 3 times this morning in front of my very wary eyes. 3 times. Is he still with us? Sadly yes and his degenerating math and logic skills alone will drive me to insanity. Insanity by numbers. Death by math. Can I get his autograph? Oh dear lord. Wait no lord - I didn't mean that. How does this look? Lovely. Wonderful. Beautiful. Crap. That's gay - sorry - cutesy, doesn't go. Does it matter? On with the show and exactly 500 sheets of paper, exactly. Impressive. More death. Toll is 3. 1, 2, 3. Is it sad that I'm not? Tick. Tick. Tick. 4. If I grow old will I look at flowers too? Does a drive to the seaside to romp the dog count? Sweets or smut? Sweets or smut, sweets or smut, sweets or smut? Sweets, then smut. Ah sweet smutty sweetie smuttiness. Is that 5 I hear or have I lost count? Oh no, I can count just fine thank you very much. Count the hairs that need washed too. Vain much? Death and hairdos. Death or hairdos? Funeral and fabulous hair. Sadly I'm not sad for them. Empathetic maybe. Maybe.