What the hell has happened to The Soapbox?!?

This weekend someone

Was denied complimentary bread and pickles (on a burger) at the Pickle Barrel
Got a sexy new hair cut
Spent too much money on dvd's
Bought a new hair dryer
Had a ghostly encounter
Had dinner with their son and who they probably believe will be their daughter-in-law
Went for a walk on the rocks along the frozen Georgian Bay
Won a free coffee at T-Ho's
Drank instant coffee
Drank red wine, white wine, rum & coke, champagne & mystery shots
Was a patient designated driver
Had an alcohol induced blackout
Had boys buy them drinks
Decided that insecure boys are a thing of the past
Drunkenly gave someone their phone number
(Drunkenly) was nearly taken home by strangers and only saved by the intervention of a bouncer
Stripped in the kitchen and nearly naked ate a bowl of cereal
Hiccupped for 1/2 an hour
Slept with a dog
Invented an all-natural crotch enhancer
Had a hangover
Ate a cheeseburger
Ate a bacon cheeseburger
Ate a triple cheeseburger
Had a nap
Realized that partying like you're 19 makes you forget you're 30, getting hit on by a multitude of guys makes you forget that someone doesn't want you, and having friends to escape with makes you forget how alone you felt.

Buffa-hole.

So yeah, Buffalo was a blast! I left at 9:30 am and got home at 2:30 am, and ever hour was worth it! I actually enjoy being in a car, driving around (sometimes aimlessly) so I agree that getting there is half the fun. We (being me, Erik, Mariana, Nichole and her brother Robbie - Chris was going to come but he was too sick!) made it to the border and spent about an hour waiting to actually cross it. The border dude thought Erik was nuts because when he asked him why he rented a car, Erik replied with "I was worried mine would get stolen." Either nuts or a terrorist, but he let us cross anyway. It was 1 pm-ish, so we stopped at Wendy's - it was the first thing we saw and peeing was imperative. Nerds that we are, we compared everything as we ate - cherry coke on tap? am I dreaming? - how much would that cost in Canada? - does the ketchup taste the same? - are these bigger here? - and so on... Shopping at the outlet mall in Niagara was the best - I was ecstatic about the Eddie Bauer outlet and bought two shirts I had seen in a regular store, but were too expensive for my budget. Then it was onto Buffalo, the biggest hole of a city I've ever seen. (Well, Cincinnati was a hole too.) There are so many large cities in the US, that many of them (I'm sure) have been abandoned and left to decay as people move to "nicer" cities, unlike Canada, which only has a few. The buildings were decrepit, the highways empty and the waterfront is virtually uninhabited. I'm sure there are nice areas there, but I didn't actually see them. We shopped at Target (bought some Kettle Corn popcorn and funky flavoured pretzels), Walmart (bought Cherry Coke in cans, vanilla Suave shampoo, and some chocolate), the Walden Galleria Mall (bought a union jack keychain) and finally Borders (bought the long sought after movie Bitter Moon.) We had dinner at the Olive Garden because we all miss it, and the waiter also thought we were crazy. I was envious of Nichole because he actually ID'd her and she's older than me! We drove through Niagara Falls on the way home just to see the pretty lights and the falls at night. Now I'm eager to go back!

Visit the dentist #4 for a filling was pretty easy, because there was only one to do. Now I have one more appointment tomorrow morning - on my birthday :( - and then all this catching up will be over.

P.S. This is my 100th post.

funniest episode ever = most offensive episode ever

Soul singer Isaac Hayes has quit cartoon 'South Park' after an episodes lampooning religion.

Brandy vs. Reality

One of the joys of having a younger brother (who also buys dvd's like they're crack) is that I exposed to all sorts of trashy programming that I would otherwise turn my nose up at. That how I was introduced to Johnny Knoxville, the world of Jackass and the amusement of watching guys get kicked in the nuts. Seriously. Sometimes it's a large miss though, like Bumfights, which was the most horrid thing I've ever seen. Teenagers paying homeless people to beat the crap out of each other. Seriously. So when he pulled out season one of Kenny vs. Spenny and said I absolutely HAD to watch it, I was a little apprehensive. I had once caught a couple of minutes of it on Showcase, and was again, horrified. The premise of the show is this: two roommates, friends since childhood, have competitions with each other and the loser at the end of each episode has to do a humiliation. Competitions like "Who can stay awake the longest?", "Who do kids like most?" and "Who can stay on a cow the longest?" usually see the eviler Kenny the winner. The show can be amusing, annoying, boring or appalling depending on the depths Kenny will go to win. In the few horrid minutes I watched initially, Kenny had a fake letter sent to Spenny telling him he may be HIV postive, and in total belief he had a meltdown. I didn't think it was funny at all, but I gave it another chance when my brother insisted I watch season one, mostly because they live and shoot the show literally down the street from my brother, on the border of the gaybourhood. One thing that kept me watching was trying to figure out how much was actually real, and how much they faked. There was one guy who was supposed to be a producer from L.A. to whom Spenny owed a couple thousand dollars too and was also the most annoying person on the face of the earth, who ended up being an actor I cast in my third year short film at York. Some of it was true though (he was not a producer from L.A. and I have no idea if Spenny owed him money...) Then there was the doctor who did rectal exams on the guys; I know him by the tasty banana bread he has brought us because he's a member of the holy institution I work at (and now I'm imagining rectal exam + baking = Ugh!) And then last night I caught an episode of season two (and I don't go out of my way to watch it.) The competition was "Who do old people like better?" Kenny had taken three little old ladies to see a singer (at another holy institution) along with his (fake) brother with downs syndrome. I also know the singer and ironically he was here (at my work) this morning and he said that he had no idea that Kenny's "brother" was a fake, and that when he finally saw the episode he was shocked and appalled, not just for being duped himself, but for the sweet little old ladies who were also lied to. I know, welcome to reality tv.

Puffles McPussy

I have nothing to talk about so I'll talk about cats. Specifically, Zam the power-puker cottonball. When I got home from work the other night I looked down the hall and what do I see? Zam, wolfing down something tasty...in my bedroom. I figured she was eating food dragged out of Sammy's dish, or someone had given her some treats. As I entered my room I looked around to see several tiny piles of food-barf, and Zam finishing off the motherload. After licking the carpet clean, a satiated Zam licked her lips and sauntered out of my room. Sammy was laying on my bed looking at her with disgust. Ewe. Gross. It's not like I haven't witnessed her eating her own vomit before, but it always grosses me out just a little.

Dentist appointment #3 was yesterday morning and although it only lasted 1/2 an hour, it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my whole life. Seriously. I realise that it's my own fault for having a build-up of 15 years worth of crap under my gums, but I didn't think it would hurt so much. The hygienist did say to let her know if anything was sensitive, but everywhere hurt like hell so I figured I was supposed to ignore the pain. I probably should have asked for a topical numbing or something, but I didn't want to sound like a pussy. Clearly however, I am.

My new shirt.



And the email I received from the sender:
Shirt going out today.
You should have this in plenty of time for Purim!
Thanks

Best Buy = Ass Rape

If I wasn't convinced before, I am certain now - Best Buy can go to hell.
I've had complaints before, most of them about the Downsview location, but now I've decided that I'm not going to shop there ever again. Remember that QAF dvd that I was going to exchange because one of the discs was defective? It was much more difficult than I had anticipated, even more so than dealing with a defective dvd that I purchased USED!

I went to the Downsview location because it was the closest. I waited half an hour before I even got to the counter. I told the girl I needed to exchange it and she told me to go look for another copy. I looked, but didn't see one where it should have been. When I came back to the counter I had to wait another five minutes because she was helping someone else. She told me that since they didn't have another copy she was going to give me a gift card because they do not give money back on opened items. Fine. Then the conversation went like this:

- Is there any way you could find me another copy?
NO.
- Can you have a copy shipped from another store or could you order a copy for me?
NO. Check the online store yourself.
- I've already looked at the online store and it's not listed. Could you tell me if you're going to get any more copies?
NO.
- So you're telling me that you can't order one, and you can't find out what inventory you're going to get?
Uh-huh.
- Could you check the stock at other Best Buys so I don't have to drive all over the place looking for another one?
NO.
- Could you call another store?
NO.
- Can I talk to someone else about this?
NO.
- Can I please talk to a manager?
NO. There isn't one here.
- OK. How about this - is there any way that I could be notified if this store just happens to get another copy at some point in the future?
I'll have to ask.

She asked someone else and said they could do a raincheck so I would be called if they got another copy, but they wouldn't hold it for me. I protested again about getting a crappy giftcard instead of my money back because I was unconvinced that I was going to find another copy at another Best Buy, and then I would be stuck with $60 to spend there. I wanted an exchange but they were unwilling to help, so I really wanted my money back. I asked again to speak to a manager, but by this point she was ignoring me. I took the assy giftcard and left, not happy at all. So we drive to the store in Markham in hopes that I'll find another copy, but I knew that finding it again was unlikely. Of course they had every season of QAF but that season, but what they did have was an extremely helpful employee. This girl was shocked at the service at the other store, and said that not only could they check the stock at other stores, but she could find out the last time they had a copy and if any more were expected any time soon, and if there were any copies she would find them for me. According to computer system, the closest copy was can you guess where? At the frickin' Downsview store! She has to call them several times before they picked up the phone, and when they looked they couldn't find a copy. She pointed out that is was listed in their inventory and the person on the other end said it was probably in transit. Then she found the other remaining copies which were at stores in Windsor, London, some place I'd never heard of, and Newmarket. Well Newmarket was the only reasonable option, so she called them and had them put it aside for me. A couple of hours and a lot of aggravation later, I finally had my replacement. I attribute the helpfulness of the girl at the Markham store to her being a nice person and not to Best Buy, which I will not shop at again.

Brandyland

My good friend Tara would like the world know that she is the "creator" of brandyland; that has been her nickname for me for many years (and I am apparently listed as Land, Brandy on her email list) and it could be my favorite nickname ever (which is why I used it to title my blog) and believe me, I've had many. Bean-uh was the first I think. In earlier years it was Bran, Brandy&BranFlakes, Marlon Brando, Brandita, Brandolin, Tall-ee (in response to my friend Shorty), Boss (although the character in question called absolutely everyone either Boss, Tex, or Newbie) and more recently (all I think from my lovely roommates) B-Ham, Brandine, Brand-Y, and Woman! (if you can count it as a nickname as it seems to come out of Chris's mouth quite frequently.) I have discovered however, that there are many many Brandyland's out there...

http://branshine.blogspot.com/
http://spaces.msn.com/brandysoy/
http://www.somethingpositive.net/brandyland.shtml (A drinking game)
http://drunkdialer.blogspot.com/ (A drinking blog)
http://www.brandyland.com/ (Gospel music site?!?)
http://brandyland.blogspot.com/
http://www.brandyland2.blogspot.com/
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=24981179

Jesus there's alot of Brandyland's out there! I still maintain that my actual online persona is Morning Glory, as I've been using it online since 1995.

Inanimate Homophobia.

As you probably know, I buy alot of dvd's. Many were bought new, but the used portion is increasing. Only once have I ever had to return a disc because it was damaged to the point of not playing properly, and that one was used. It was the original British series Queer As Folk. I took it back, they sent it away to be "fixed" and it was returned to me looking and working as though it was brand new. A one time only dvd problem, which leads me to number two which has just arisen. What dvd you ask? The final disc of the US series Queer As Folk, which I bought less than a week ago brand new. And the problem is bad enough that I'm going to exchange it for a new copy. Pure coincidence? I think not. Clearly my dvd player is homophobic. Maybe I should get a new one...

So yes I have watched Season 1 (almost) in it's entirety - approximately 1100 minutes - somewhere between saturday afternooon and last night. I've been in a mood to do nothing lately, mostly due to the stress of dental visits and not wanting to eat much, more because of the thought of pain (as opposed to actual pain.) Everything is psychological, although after eating lunch yesterday my jaw felt like I'd been chewing gum for a week. That's from the visit monday night which included the filling of a wisdom tooth on the top. The dentist said he enjoyed the challenge because few people still have their wisdom teeth to be worked on. The drilling wasn't the worst part, it was the dentist asking me to open wider. There was a tooth on the bottom too, so the whole left side of my face was frozen, but that one only took ten minutes to do, as opposed to the eternity on the top. Two down, three(?) to go.